Ranting

So I wrote this a while ago...I just never posted it. smh. Its about my most recent ex. He put me through hell...and this is right after a fight we had...I was feeling uber shitty, and really worthless...just to set the background. so yea.

and here i am again...writin to this virtual diary. and once again...in love and hurt. how? how does this always happen? i hate being sad. i hate this feeling. i try, and i try to treat those who come in my life with the utmost respect and esteem. try to be the perfect girl. and when shit is sweet...its great...but at the same time...when its down, its down. i kno he's not who God has for me...but i'm in love..and thats why i cant get past it. blinded by love, restrained by fear, and can only be set free by...hmmm. what can i be set free by? sittin here rockin to wale...and he is speakin...i love words...and i use them as tools to get my point across, but i swear right now...and everytime i'm over emotional the words escape me. i had a good talk with the bestie, ashley, tonight. i appreciate her. she understands me and everything i go through. we talked about our dudes today, and how much that shit hurts. being in love sucks, but being in love period is an awful state im starting to believe. like...forreal...i look at myself and the characteristics that God gave me...like really...not even being in love with myself, im beautiful, i have a great body, im quite intellectual, i love sports, and video games...i dont trip off a lot...im chills...very giving, and very loyal...and there is my downfall. people take advantage of the fact that i would rather hurt myself than hurt you. i'll shut my mouth and take all the nonsense you throw. bring on the pain...the striking words...throw your best shot...i promise i can take it....i only cry alone in the dark and when it rains. i'll never let you see me down. but i hurt...im human...those who have the most going for them are usually the ones who hide the most pain....man fuck it. im tired of talkin. stay ignorant, underinformed, unitelligent, and in pain. keep holding onto others dreams. keep trying so hard to be different that you end up becoming the same again. keep sticking your nose in the air so high that you inhale the clouds and suffocate on thin air...it matches your attitude, your outlook on life and symbolizes how ignorant, selfish, arrogant, and unimportant you are.